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We need to move away

My daughters boyfriend thought I knew all along and was happy to accept.

Last December 19th my daughter was having her Christmas night out with her friends from college. She had been staying with her grandpa as it was easier to get to college from his house. At around 5pm my Dad phoned to say she had arrived home safely but was very drunk. Later, maybe 6 or 6.30 she
called me asking for help. My husband and I got in the car and travelled down to my Dad’s house laughing about how we must have brought her up well since she was asking for assistance where we would have been too ashamed to ask for help when we were drunk. She was 18 years old.

When I went in to her bedroom I thought she was sleeping at first and just bent over to check her out then she said ‘Mum, I need to tell you something.’  She was crying, I was frantic, out of my depth, my husband was in the living room with my Dad – oblivious to any of what was to transpire next.

‘You won’t believe me’ she kept repeating. Believe what, please tell me, of course I’ll believe you, I love you, you are my daughter, please……

‘Steve abused me when I was little, I’m sorry, I know you won’t believe me.’

‘Steve…Steve who…what do you mean?’

The shock, the feeling of anger, the vomit I felt coming up my throat – the panic, what to do, where to turn, how to make it better…..WHY?

‘Steve Gibbs, Christine’s Steve, don’t tell my Grampa, please take me home.

I was stunned, my best friend Christine was like a sister to me – we shared everything, my daughter attended gym and yoga classes with us, they had come to her 18th birthday party.  Why, why, why?

I needed to know, or did I? I asked the questions, she gave the answers but she refused to report the incident to the police. It had happened when she was 12 and best friends with their daughter. She had been staying overnight she at the bottom of the bed, Sarah at the top. He abused her as his own daughter lay in the same single bed. He said things to her, told her we would never believe her, she was a child he was an adult.

My husband wanted to kill him, my son wondered what was going on, I wanted
everything to go back to how it was yesterday or back when she was eleven – before it happened.

Initially she seemed to brighten up and become the happy girl we had once known but that didn’t last very long.

Our lives had been turned upside down, why wouldn’t she report him.  I understand she was frightened, I tried to encourage her to go to counselling
but it wasn’t for her she said.

We mechanically went through the next few weeks – get Christmas over with,
get New Year passed – deal with it next week, month……….

Christine tried to speak to me by phone, text but never came to my house.  My Mum would answer the phone and say I was busy at work. We had done everything together and now I had to break away from her and her family.

In January she kept calling my mobile and left messages. I knew I couldn’t put her through the hell we were going through. She had recently lost her Dad to cancer. It wasn’t her fault, but did she know?

I sent her a text telling her I couldn’t be friends with her and that I was moving away and would have no more contact with her. She immediately called back – the call went to voicemail – she sounded frantic – what is it, are we not friends?

I responded by sending her another text telling her it was because we were friends that I had to break away from her and that if she thought anything of our friendship she should accept it and not have any further contact.

She called back to wish me luck in my house move. THE END of our friendship at least but the doubts began. How could she give up on our friendship without knowing exactly why? We spoke about everything. I would never have
accepted this from her – I would have wanted the full story – but them, I had nothing to hide.

Our daughter decided she couldn’t live with us any longer back in March, just after her 19th birthday. She moved in to a room with the Housing Association making herself homeless and our family appear as being disfunctional.

Our house didn’t sell but we did buy a flat for our daughter. She moved in on 16th May 2008.

She blames me for everything that goes wrong in her life. We have been to two parties in her flat which have ended with her crying and blaming me for being a controlling mum.

My husband still wants to kill him. I want to move away to somewhere that I don’t run the risk of seeing them. I want to fix everything but I can’t. I want to be the mum who helps when needed but apparently that is not what she needs. I just want to know……WHY?

We need to move away

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